Hello all, after a little frivolity and daftness with my last few posts, it’s back to being a little more serious – an update on how we are doing.
Today is six months since the most horrible day of my life. Doesn’t time fly when you’re having f, er, doesn’t time fly!
Anyway, we are over in Scarborough to start the scattering of Susanne’s ashes. We are scattering them at places that Susanne loved, It’s going to take some time to get round them all, but it will also be a journey of happy memories. We are here with Susanne’s parents. I had planned it to be a first trip just me and the boys with them maybe joining us for the scattering, but they decided to join us for the break. I may grumble occasionally, but I have to acknowledge that they have lost their only child. I really can’t imagine what that must be like – regardless of the age of the son or daughter.
It was only after I booked that I realised that this hotel is the same hotel we stayed in the last time we were here, and that was the last time we all came away together. On arrival, it looks like we are even in the same room as last time. I was saying nothing, but Reece noticed.
We have been out to the headland, where we found a spot with a nice view over the south bay and scattered a little there. We didn’t make any big speeches or anything, we can all have our own thoughts. There were a few moist eyes, but all of us scattered a little.
After that we complied with tradition for a visit to a seaside resort and had fish and chips. Norman and Freda had a walk around town, while the boys and I walked round the headland back to the hotel. They asked if it was quicker through town or round. I said town was probably shorter, but the headland is mainly flat, we just have to climb up the cliff to get to the hotel. Reece was not impressed at that comment!
Anyway, the three of us are doing OK at the moment. We have most of the main firsts out of the way now. All our birthdays, even things like meetings at school. The good news for you lot is that as a result these missives will be getting a little less frequent Remaining for the three of us now are our wedding anniversary, our first big holiday and then the anniversary in September.
Robert is Robert, those of you that know him will fully get that!
Reece is currently doing well. Winston’s Wish have worked wonders with him, and he is a much happier boy than he was. He has dropped most of his anger now, and the sadness that followed it has receded hugely. Even with what has happened, he is doing well at school and meeting targets. He is also taking less time out of class now.
As for me. As I say I am doing OK. I am being positive. I am looking forwards. I am getting out occasionally. I am even starting to enjoy life more. You lot have had a big input to that – the support from you all – family and friends old and new.
Once again I’ll mention my new friends from WAY, and the associated group WAR. These guys are just fabulous. I have made new friends locally and nationally. Far from being a morose bunch all sitting around licking our wounds, they are a group that get it. There’s support and sympathy, There are laughs, there’s the understanding that we all move forwards at different rates, and that is just fine. mIf any of you have friends that are in the same boat – widowed young – mention WAY to them. They may choose not to join, but doing that has been one of the best things I have done. By all means point them my way to talk about WAY.
The WAR group I keep mentioning are not officially connected to WAY, but they are totally hatstand. Again, finding them was a good thing. None of us want to qualify, but having qualified it’s like being with old friends. The way we can sit down together and talk rubbish, have a laugh or discuss our personal stories.
As I have said before, I am totally happy to have met Susanne. Knowing what I know now, I’d do it all again. There’s one decision that I might change, but that’s only because of information that has become available since. BRCA1 in the family may have altered decision on treatment. I could beat myself up about it, but that information wasn’t available. We made the best decisions we could on the information we had. Even if we had known, there’s no guarantee that the treatment may have worked better.